Man am I bad at this blogging thing..lol..I really should keep up with it because I find when I do I am better off.

So it's been a rough few weeks. My emotions have been up and down, and sad to say, so has my weight. But, I am now back on plan and ready to lose the rest of this weight for good. In a few short weeks I will be going to vacation in Florida and will need to be IN shorts. EEKKK!! If that's not motivation I dont know what is. I am so tired of how I look, and how I feel about how I look that I need to do this.

Im going to try to keep up here, to keep myself accountable so I can finish this mission!

I wish I could say that the reason I havent blogged was because I was doing so well that I had nothing to report but some weight loss...nope...that's not the case, in fact, it is the exact opposite. I have had a rough 2 days and am feeling pretty rotten about it. I dont know why I am struggling, but I am, and it doesnt feel good. I have to remember and remind myself how much better I feel when I am on plan and losing weight. I'm going to work my hardest to do that today and I am going to start by getting in some exercise...I have to stop making excuses and just do this. I have 15 more pounds to go, THEN I can eat treats and enjoy off plan foods on occasion. Now is not the time for that!

Temptation

I work in a Mexican restaurant..temptation is all over the place. Up until very recently I had a lot of trouble staying away from "bad" foods, especially the chips and salsa that are readily available. Lately however I have found that losing weight is more important than a few chips. I never thought I'd get to this place. I finally realized that if I want to feel good about myself physically I HAVE to make changes, plain and simple. So now, before work, I have a big meal and then I sip on diet soda while I am there. I am happy to say I have been rewarded by staying away from the junk and hit another new low this morning...only by a few ounces, but still..it's something!

Yesterdays Accountability
B: eggs with sour cream, coffee w/ creamer
L: chicken ceaser salad
D: chicken w/ alfredo sauce
s: cottage cheese, tea w/ HWC

Weight: 124.4

New mini goal

I realized this morning as I stepped on the scale that I am 3 pounds from a 35 pound weight loss- that's all! Just 3 pounds!! So I decided to set a new mini goal to hopefully help motivate me to keep moving forward. Kyle will be 4 months old (where has the time gone!!)on the 12th. I'd LOVE to say I've lost 35 pounds in 4 months, that means almost 9 pounds a month, which averages out to be about 2 pounds a week. That, in my opinion, is perfect weight loss, and it would put me at my goal weight in less than 2 months! So I am recommitting myself today to lose those 3 pounds by the 12th. I know I can do it! Plus, my mother is coming to visit on the 18th so I know my diet is going to suffer a bit while she is here. I am ok with that though. If I hold strong until then I will allow a few days off plan. So today I am going to be squeeky clean AND I am going to work out. Time to get moving!

Yesterdays Accountability
B: cream cheese omelet, coffee w/ creamer
L: chicken ceaser salad
s: tea w/ HWC
D: steak, creamed spinach
s: cottage cheese

Weight: 125

Not much to report here. Plugging along. I need to get back on the exercise wagon BAD but it is so hard with this gloomy weather and with the little one kind off from sleep training. I'll get back there...hopefully sooner than later

Yesterdays Accountability
B: 2 eggs fried in butter w/ a sprinkle of cheese, coffee w/ HWC
L: pork, coleslaw
s: cottage cheese, tea w/ HWC
D: chicken w/ alfedo and a bit of cheese

Weight: 125

Ok, Ok....

So I need to stop my complaining about my weight loss. Today I hit a new post pregnancy low at 124.6 pounds! Yay! I was very excited. It seems that sticking to plan is paying off, even if this is slow moving. I mean, I really can't complain, I've lost over 30 pounds in under 4 months and only have 15 pounds to go, things are bound to slow down. I'm going to keep on working and hopefully the scale will continue to move in the right direction.

Yesterday's Accountability
B: eggs fried in butter, coffee w/ HWC
L: tuna w/ mayo, small salad w/ ranch
s: tea w/ HWC
D: chicken w/ alfredo sauce and a bit of cheese

Beyond Frustration

After hitting a new low yesterday I was so excited to see new numbers, to start making real progress with my weight loss. I was so excited that I managed to not even sneak a single chip at work last night in anticipation of seeing another new number on the scale. Well what happened? My weight was UP 1.2 pounds this morning. WTF? I dont know what I am going to do but I can't keep eating this way without seeing results. I'm going to try to cut back on cheese for a few days and see if it helps, if it doesnt I am going to have to rethink this LC way of eating

Yesterdays Accountability:
B: scrambled eggs w/ cheese and sour cream, 1 cup coffee w/ HWC
L: grilled chicken salad w/ cucumbers, cheese and ranch
D: pork, sourkraut
s: string cheese, tea with HWC

Weight: 126.2

I'm so pleased with myself! Me and hubby went out to eat yesterday evening and I managed to stay 100% on plan! I am always so tempted when we go out to just say "forget it", that it's just one meal. But, yesterday I stuck to my guns and passed on bread, dessert, and potatoes. I had a wonderful meal of chicken and veggies, and a glass of red wine. It was nice to leave dinner feeling good about my choices...and...the scale rewarded me this morning with a new post pregnancy low! YAY...hopefully things will keep moving now

Yesterdays Accountability
B: scrambled egg w/ salsa, sour cream & a bit of cheese, coffee w/ creamer (1 cup)
D: chicken breast, veggies, glass red wine
s: bologna w/ mayo

Sacrifices

Are you willing to make some sacrifices in order to lose weight and better your heath? For a long while I was really opposed to this, but now I think I am finally grasping that if I want change I have to make changes. I was stuck for a few days with no losses, which isnt a big deal, except that I went from eating carbs to LC...almost guaranteed water loss. In my last post I wrote I was frustrated. Well, looking back on my menus for the last few days I saw that I was consuming to much creamer- both sugar free and heavy cream. So, beginning today I am going to cut it down to 2 servings a day. This is going to be hard because I was finding my afternoon and evening tea a savior in terms of keeping me from going off track or overeating. Now, I am going to have to look for other ways to do that, or I'm going to have to learn to like tea with just some splenda. Um, that doesnt sound very appealing!

As for yesterday, I am happy to say that despite my frustrations I stayed OP and was rewarded by a nice little drop on the scale! I am not at my low yet, but closer than I have been in over a week. Now it's time to get past that. I'd love to see a new number this week!

Me and hubby are probably going out to dinner this evening so I have to be careful and make sure I stick to plan if I want to see that happen. I know I can do it, and I know I'll feel much better tomorrow when I do

Yesterday's accountability
B: 2 eggs cooked in butter w/ a bit of cheese, coffee w/ creamer (2 cups)
L: chicken w/ blue cheese dressing, tea w/ HWC
D: Steak w/ parm cheese, sourkraut
s: tea w/ creamer, natural PB

Frustrated

I'm so dang frustrated this morning. I've basically been eating LC for 3 days now and I havent even dropped an ounce of weight. I know I had a slip the other night but it wasnt terrible. It isnt like I binged. This is when the scale becomes my enemy, but I wont let it, NOPE, not this time. I said a week, that I would do this for a week without changing anything so that is what I am going to do. I may have to start counting carbs and calories though, because something isnt right. Heck, I'm not even at my low high weight at this point! People drop substantial amounts of weight when they switch to LC, why havent I? Is my metabolism that messed up? I thought while I was pregnant I basically reset it by eating "normal", but maybe not, or maybe I undid all my good in the last 3.5 months? I dont know, what I do know is that this time I wont give up and cave, I wont let this derail me. This time I will stay OP and hope it helps that scale move in the right direction

Yesterdays Accountability
B: scrambled eggs w/ sour cream, coffee w/ sf creamer (2 cups)
L: taco salad (ground beef, sour cream, salsa, guacamole, cheese, lettuce)
s: natural PB, tea w/ HWC
D: chicken w/ ranch dressing, sourkraut
s: string cheese, tea w/ HWC

Weight: 127.0

Keep Moving Forward.....

I hate waking up after a bad night. Heck, who am I kidding!? I hate waking up! I am so not a morning person. So today is the start of day 3 and it is going to take some serious talking to myself to keep on track. My thinking is "I blew it." I have to change that and look at the big picture. One slip up isn't horrible. No, I'm not happy about it, but it is done and over and it is time for me to move forward. So here I go, starting another day hoping that at my weekly check in I will see change.

Yesterday's accountability
B: spinach and cheese omelet, coffee w/ sf creamer (2 cups)
L: salad w/ chopped pork $ ranch dressing, coffee w/ HWC
s: natural PB
D: chicken & broccoli w/ light alfredo sauce
s: 1/2 slice bologna w/ mayo, string cheese
* few scoops ice cream*

Exercise: 2.5 mile walk

Weight: 126.8

Cheating

Is "cheating" on a diet worth it? Sometimes I think it is, sometimes I think it is essential in fact..not to cheat per say, but to allow yourself a treat-that goodie you have been craving. BUT, and it is a big but, right now, I cant handle it, and that became apparent this evening. I'm so new and fresh into this diet that one slip is the kiss of death for me. So, here I am confessing- I cheated. I am thankful though that it is about time to go grocery shopping so there was very little for me to eat and this did not turn into a binge. I had been thinking about the little bit of ice cream left in the fridge for a few hours. I did everything to keep myself away, everything but throw it out, which is what I should have done. After having a "legal" treat, making and eating dinner, cleaning bottles, AND cleaning the kitchen, I caved. Now my issue is not that I caved and had a little ice cream, but that I let it get to me so much. I feel so guilty, like such a failure. That is when I get into trouble. THAT is what I need to work on .I let my guilt and feeling of failure take over and I turn to old habits, old BAD habits. So what am I going to do to move past this? I am going to spend a bit of time looking up "legal" recipes that will satisfy my cravings. If at this point it means having some frankenfoods than so be it. My objective now is to change my behaviors so that is what I am going to do.

Freind or Enemy?

Oh the scale, the dreaded scale....I can't decided if it is my friend or my enemy. I am one of those who weighs everyday (just about) because I like to see the trends. Realistically I know that weight fluctuates daily due to many factors, and I also know that the scale does not show the whole picture. But honestly, sometimes this doesnt matter and I get so frustrated. I have been eating on plan for 2 days now and my weight this morning was up over 1/2 a pound. Now I know I didnt eat enough yesterday to gain 1/2 a pound, but Im thinking "didn't I eat little enough to LOSE 1/2 a pound?" This is where I get into trouble, and this is where things are going to change for me. In the past I would get frustrated and do one of two things- either drastically reduce what I was eating, or binge/purge..neither a healthy alternative obviously. Today I am going to change nothing. I have committed to this, and for the first time in a long while I am going to stick to my word and show my strength. One week- I am giving this one week. If by next Tuesday the scale hasn't budged, THEN I will look at what I have been eating and go from there. 2 days isnt enough to show the full picture. So for today I am going to let the scale be my friend and let it guide me.

Yesterdays's Accountability
B: scrambled eggs (2 eggs + 2 whites) w/ lf sour cream, coffee w/ sf creamer (2 cups)
L: salad w/ grilled chicken & blue cheese dressing, tea w/ HWC
s: natural peanut butter
D: pork w/ butter and parm cheese, sourkraut
s: string cheese, tea w/ HWC

The Journey Begins

As I sit and look at my 3 and a half month old son, I have come to the conclusion that my time is NOW. I want nothing more than to be healthy and happy so that I can raise this little boy to the best of my ability.

For almost 10 years now I have struggled with eating disorders, depression, addiction, and a general low self-worth. I don't want to pass any of that onto my son, nor do I want to live like I have been.

My journey is beginning with weight loss- my step 1. With my pregnancy came an additional 40+ pounds, with over 20 still lingering. My weight and overall appearance leaves me feeling so low and down on myself. I know weight loss isn't the answer to my happiness, but like I said, it is my step 1.

As I continue on this journey I will be working on a better overall mental state.

I am using this blog to hold myself accountable, to share what I learn as I continue to grow.

I hope to look back here and find progress along the way :)